Fifty-seven.-

BAY camp ended last Friday. And it’s been a really good camp. It’s not a spiritual high camp, it’s more like a camp which I learned a lot of things, mainly is because it’s on more practical topics. There’s a lot of absorb, and I’m still processing all the things that Rev Henson shared with us during camp. There is just so much to absorb. I wish that I could type it all down here, but it’ll take ages for me to complete this post.
And erm, I broke down a lot. Thinking about my relationships that I have now, and some relationships that I have are just very heart-breaking. So many problems that I have, but I know God is good and He has His plans for me. And I do take comfort in that.

Being able to be a part of planning for this camp is a remarkable experience. Well we broke many things, haha. On the last day of games we had to totally change our game plans..and I was quite disappointed when I first heard that news, because I was looking forward to play all those games during the whole camp. But it was good that our super-very-impromptu game turned out well. Kudos to games team!
Camp this year is different from the other BAY camps that I had been, I had fun in many different ways as compared to the previous years. (:
I didn’t expect what I would take away from camp this year. But I was wrong. God never failed to not teach me anything new. I learned that no matter how much you want to hide something, God will just bring it out and ask you to solve that problem. It hurts, but God is telling you that He’ll help you and He’s always there for you. I never expected that I would learn one of my most valuable lessons through a discussion, and it was when that thought came out from me.

I really thank God for this experience, that I had learned so much in the period of 5 days. When I think back about it, I am still amazed about how much God has showed me. It’s really a lot of things, but I can tell that God knows that it’s within my capability that I can absorb everything.

And I really love my DG, it’s like the best DG I can ever have. And of course I do love my CG. Through this camp I’ve got to know more people, and more about people.
So many things to say, to share. But generally, I really thank God for the privilege to be able to go for camp. It’s truly an amazing experience. Wait, ‘amazing’ doesn’t even cover it, really.

Fifty-six.-

I had been busy since…after Opus lol. Had been planning games like crazzzzy for BAY camp. And I really say crazy, it’s really crazy. Insane. But it’s all worth it.

BAY CAMP IS TOMORROW WOOHOO.
Games are gonna be fun I tell you. (Go games team!) And hope none of the games will screw up, and I won’t screw up when I brief. I want clear explanations to everything.
And we’re touching on relationships for the camp. Yes, boy-girl relationships. It’ll be interesting to see how it turns out, and to see how God can work in my life through this camp.

Till then, I’ll be away till Friday. I’m gonna miss the time studying, exco meetings, and to practice my instrument. I seriously need to practice my instrument. :/

Fifty-five.-

Opus IV yesterday.
Horn choir piece was well played, I’m very happy with myself and the horn choir. I’m gonna miss those practices we had had. It was truly a great experience. Not only I got to know a lot more people, I’ve learned a lot of horn stuff that I’ll never imagine learning it in my secondary school life if I didn’t get this opportunity to experience and learn. I’ve learned and improved quite a lot through this experience.
It’s really nice getting to know (more) people from Regent, regardless of the current members or the alumni during this process of going to Regent for Horn Choir practices, after Addiction was over and we had to prepare for Opus. It’s awesome to especially know the Regent horn section! It’s really cool to know every single horn member in Regent, all hyped-up and nice people! -shows spiderman sign-

Band stuff is over, for now. Now, BAY camp! Less than 6 days to go. And then Secondary 1 Orientation planning, then band will resume soon.
And I’ve got some thinking to do. I have to catch up on my studies. I’m having some internal battle and stuff. Also, Mr Lim has given me quite a lot to think about.

Fifty-four.-

She is not condemning and insulting you, neither is she making you feel inferior.
She just needs you to understand. What is so difficult about that?

But you’re so caught up with yourself, your own life.
So is she part of your life? Do you even care about her? Do you even care about us? Or do you only care about yourself?
It seems that I won’t get answers to all these.

Fifty-three.-

Addiction III’s over.
I had a great time on stage. I still can’t take in the fact that concert’s over, my possible last major project for HSWS is over.
We did well for some songs, and we screwed up a little for others. And I missed tons of notes for my horn choir piece. My tone while playing the choir piece wasn’t as good as compared to the tone I have while I was practicing with the choir. :/ Also I screwed up a little during the dance at Japanese Graffiti, and that umbrella! Urgh. It’s $2, what can we expect.
But generally, we did pretty well.
I’ve come to realise that after concert, I’m stepping down really soon. Time really flies.

I miss every part of the concert. From having long hours of band, night practices, cracking our brains for dance steps (we only thought of dancing 3 days ago), till the every moment on stage. Like I’ve said–as much as I wanted concert to end, I don’t.
I also really appreciate those people who came down to support me and the band. From my bottom of my heart, I thank you guys. This concert wouldn’t be the same without every single one of you who came down.

Regent’s concert is in 4 days. Our last time playing our horn choir piece together. Our last day of being as a horn choir. I’m gonna cherish the moments.

And my lips are cracking! It’s weird that my lips hurt like mad only after the concert. Also, I’m thankful that it cracked after concert. Because it really hurts. But the thing is I have another performance in 4 days. Lol.

So I’m having horn choir practice tomorrow. And off to church after that.

Fifty-two.-

I’m pissed. Very pissed.
Not with people, but with myself.

Just minutes ago, I thought that this person was making me miserable. And I was upset because I thought that this person didn’t understand me.
Then I realised that it’s not that this person didn’t understand me, this person does. This person doesn’t know that I’m so stressed up that I was barely myself. It isn’t that person’s fault. It’s mine.
It’s not like something that the person did didn’t trigger me to get mad. But if I was myself, I would be able to control my emotions and not just flare up instead.

Sure, people do give me a lot of stress and impossible tasks now. But I’m supposed to take it, and handle it. Not just be in a bad mood and flare up even the slightest thing happens. None of my friends deserves to be affected because of my incapability for handling stress.

I’m so pissed with myself that I feel the need to be alone. And I’m even more pissed with myself than ever before because of the fact that I don’t have time to be alone. I spent 24 hours a day doing things. I didn’t even spend a single minute thinking about myself. I don’t even have a minute to be alone. And I can’t stand it.

Less than 72 hours away from concert. And there’s 13-hour band practices for Monday and Tuesday. And there’s a camp after concert, which I don’t know whether I’m even going in the first place.
As much I want this to be over, I don’t.

Fifty-one.-

So we can say with confidence,   “The Lord is my helper,
so I will have no fear.
What can mere people do to me?”          Hebrews 13:6

I seriously need to start going for BAY on Saturdays. I need someone to help me lay down a track for me, so that I can run..towards the right track.
It’s so hard, very hard, to stay focused on God when I have so many things to do. It just sucks not to have a close relationship with God now when you have felt that God was with you before. It sucks not to be yourself because you had fallen into temptation because you drifted away from God.
But as I’ve had read from somewhere, that this is part of my walk with God. Life has it’s ups and downs. Even if my walk with God isn’t fantastic now, I know that God is with me no matter what, and He’ll solve everything for me. It’s part of his plan for me.
Because when I place my trust on God, and walk by faith, everything else will fall into place perfectly.

Fifty.-

I’ve never been so direct in my blog before.

I have this junior, who doesn’t know how to respect people. Not only me, but to everyone. She doesn’t have the word ‘respect’ in her dictionary.
And after living 13 years of her life, it’s sad that she doesn’t know how to respect people. Because it’s the basic thing one should ever know about life.

Fourty-nine.-

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.                   John 16:33

It isn’t easy to do. But I’ll try, my very best.

13 days left till Addiction 3.

Fourty-eight.-

Today sucked. It just sucked.
The order of the repertoire has changed, and it’s freaking me out. I got so freaked out that I cried the moment I got home.
In the first half, I’m 1st for all the pieces. And they’re the ones that are most tiring. Like Second Suite in F and Lord, Guard and Guide. To top it off, horn quartet is most likely to be in the first half, too. And I’m playing high notes for 90% of the quartet piece.
And other than that. Today just sucked, due to many reasons.
But after dinner, I had a different mindset to things. Not that I’m not stressed anymore, is just that I’ll take the situations and push myself, and see how far I can go.

I thought I would never cheer up because I was literally depressed. But thank God because I’m blessed to have my family with me. I had dinner with my family today, after band. And my mood got better, thanks to my family.

It sucks to not have a live telecast of Davidoff tonight! It’s the semi-finals and I can’t watch them ): I have to watch the same day telecast. Zzzz.